2007 Number 162,

COUNSELING ISSUES

Susan A Marino, BFA, MA, NCC, LPC, licensed professional counselor

            There are some smart kids these days.  They are generally exposed to more information and mental stimulation than previous generations.  They can travel around the world in sixty seconds by watching television news.  They are taught in school to routinely tap into specialized topics of interest through the Internet.  A wide variety of cultures and ideas are consistently present.  If you discover that your child is bright or gifted, additional parenting challenges are set in place.

            We are a fast paced, success driven society.  It feels good when we win, but to think that your child might be better than anyone else at something can be euphoric.  The environment is confirming what we suspected when we first saw that small miracle; our child is "special."  They have the potential to go places we only visit in our dreams.  They can have life easier than us.  They are too young to manage their talent alone, so responsible parents rightly want to be involved.  In the desire to help, develop and plan for a better future, it is easy to take over a child's life.   Children can also unwittingly cooperate, as there are benefits in not disappointing their parents.

            This can set up conflicts with other adults who stand up for the child's right to be a normal kid.  These conflicts can be hard on marriages, extended family members, and education systems.  Due to the extra pressure, "special" children can fall behind academically and socially.  By ignoring their need for the freedom to explore growing up and learning from childhood mistakes, we can indirectly be teaching our "special" child that the needs of others are not important.  This is not a success strategy.  A genius still has to get along with others to make it in the real world.

            I think "special" people have a greater tendency toward problematic lives.  There are talk shows that interview child stars concerning their challenges with depression, addictions to drugs or gambling, multiple marriages, and suicidal tendencies.  They have gained a lot, but they also have sacrificed.  Somehow, preferably through responsible parents vs. immature peers, gifted children need to learn how to strike a balance.  Both sides of the coin need to be presented and explored regularly: overview vs. details, freedom vs. responsibility; winning at all costs vs. empathy. 

            In other words, responsible parenting teaches values before success.  Some parents say, "But how can I do this?  I am consumed with keeping a roof over my child's head and paying for the extra lessons to develop their talent.  I am not a child psychologist."  Parents can start by modeling good social adjustment and appropriate priorities in their own lives, without categorizing others into less than human stereotypes.      

           

Professional Advice & Counseling 573-774-5747

Specializing in LIFE STORIES & LESSONS

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Recommended DVD related to this Topic: Searching For Bobby Fischer

 

1.  Children (geniuses or not) need support not pushing.                        

 

2.  Balance is important for children.   

 

3.  Reducing peers to opponents socially delays a child.