"Moving On"
2007 Number 163,
COUNSELING ISSUES

Susan A Marino, BFA, MA, NCC, LPC, licensed professional counselor

            We all suffer loss at some point in our lives.  The younger we are when tragedy strikes, the greater the challenge.  Emotional experiences affect the young deeply and profoundly.  Most people remember special moments our first kiss, which are the first step toward another leg in life.  As thrilling as a positive experience can be, so can negative events be shattering.  Others who are actually trying to help or formerly important activities like school can be brushed aside.  It is easy to rush into the arms of love, but a heavy loss requires effort, time, and healing in order to completely put tragedy behind us and "move on," welcoming the future with trust and hope.

            Loss can have many forms besides the obvious.  Some children are struck low by what seems a logical and necessary adjustment to adults such as relocation, or acceptance of a step-parent.  Difficult adult children can need positive role models at times.  When someone we care about is having a rough time or is in trouble, no matter what their age, most people want to be there for them in a helpful way.

            It can take a lot of patience and many unsuccessful approaches to find what strikes a healing cord with someone who is grieving a loss.  Depression is often an issue and the behavior of a depressed person (especially children) tells others to go away, while inside they are saying, "Please don't leave."  Reactions can be similar to the feelings of children in blended families; rage, suspicion, despondency, helplessness and hopelessness.  Adjustments that are out of personal control, preference or choice resulting in a new family, location, or school can be painful and arduous.  It can be hard to keep building bridges in the face of distrustful slow progress.    

            Grief and depression has to be healed in order for behavior and verbal statements to match.  Injury tends to occur quickly, but healing is more complex.  If behavior can be viewed as emotional pain and not taken personally, it gives extra mileage to the efforts of family and friends.  Good intentions, persistence, and compassion, with time can warm the ice that surrounds a heart frozen by loss.  Caring for others (including pets) outside the immediate situation can finally turn the key and begin to fill the void.  It is not only a distraction from chronic upset and relationship stress, but encourages acceptance.  Acknowledging the strengths of a grieving person demonstrated in their caring for others   is a positive way to bring the sparkle back into the eye of a weary traveler.

 

Professional Advice & Counseling 573-774-5747

Specializing in LIFE STORIES & LESSONS

counselorsam@proadvice.info

Fly Away Home is an Insightful DVD which presents the following points:

 

1.  It takes time for a child to deal with loss.

 

2.  Children who are grieving often express their feelings through anger.

 

3.  What is most helpful for parents and step-parents is show mature, patient and persistent love through concrete acts.