Food for Thought
2007 Number 165, www.waynesvilledailyguide.com
SLICE OF LIFE COMMENTARY
Susan A Marino, BFA, MA, NCC, LPC, licensed professional counselor
Structure or the lack of, I hear mentioned often and in more than one setting. Children, families, organizations, and businesses can suffer when clear goals, objectives, or expectations are not present. I would hesitate to leave on even a "one tank trip" without some directions or map. The consequences of doing so could mean the loss of valuable time and fuel. Unless this trip is for scenic leisure, it is just not a success strategy.
Currently we are all bombarded with so much information; it is easy to shuffle from day to day without stopping to make a conscious plan. Clear communication is the first step. Is there a set of guidelines that is posted on the refrigerator or in a file that can be pulled out at group meetings? Have these rules of conduct been fine-tuned and boiled down into a simple and easy to remember format. It takes a lot of thinking and planning to keep life simple. It's a lot easier to get your message across in a calm setting than in an emergency charged with emotion.
Consistent follow through in daily patterns is another step. If your chosen goal is not practiced on a regular basis, your good intentions could be seen by others as hypocritical. We communicate our beliefs in more than one way: the most basic being words and behaviors. If these do not match others will not believe us. Whatever we say, we prove by our behavior.
One opportunity that has potential for calm and consistent value statement is meal time. A regular sit down family dinner was the norm in an era when structure was not that big an issue. It was a time to practice conversation and gather an impression of what was going on in the lives of individual family members. This was a gathering that promoted team spirit and loyalty. Social skills were learned. Observance of dinner has been in decline with the increase of two pay-check households. A lot of children have never experienced this event and are even surprised by the thought of eating without the electronic family member, television.
I was recently talking with Beverly Richard, of Laquey, MO, who says she and her husband set family rules which were reflections of their beliefs and family values. These rules were regularly observed during the course of their marriage, even through the complaints of teenagers. Time Magazine stated not too long ago, "In this age of affluence, the trend is the increasing difficulty of parents to say "NO" to their children." There is so much available and most parents want their children to have the best. Some children are aware of little to no limits, which can make being their best secondary.
Beverly was touched with the impression of their family practice when her son's elementary school teacher asked the class to identify and share one family tradition. Her son stated, "We have the evening meal together and no one eats until everyone is there." He had by-passed the more exciting events, such as Christmas and family vacations for the seemingly mundane. Now that he is grown, remembering such a statement can make conscious parenting worthwhile. Parenting that includes routine structure models a stable family plan and responsible commitment. We all have to eat, why not make time for an opportunity.
www.proadvice.net
Specializing in LIFE STORIES & LESSONS
Share What Works: counselorsam@proadvice.net
Make an appointment for What's Not Working: 573-774-5747
"Food for Thought"
2007 Number 165, www.waynesvilledailyguide.com
SLICE OF LIFE COMMENTARY
Susan A Marino, BFA, MA, NCC, LPC, licensed professional counselor
Structure or the lack of, I hear mentioned often and in more than one setting. Children, families, organizations, and businesses can suffer when clear goals, objectives, or expectations are not present. I would hesitate to leave on even a "one tank trip" without some directions or map. The consequences of doing so could mean the loss of valuable time and fuel. Unless this trip is for scenic leisure, it is just not a success strategy.
Currently we are all bombarded with so much information; it is easy to shuffle from day to day without stopping to make a conscious plan. Clear communication is the first step. Is there a set of guidelines that is posted on the refrigerator or in a file that can be pulled out at group meetings? Have these rules of conduct been fine-tuned and boiled down into a simple and easy to remember format. It takes a lot of thinking and planning to keep life simple. It's a lot easier to get your message across in a calm setting than in an emergency charged with emotion.
Consistent follow through in daily patterns is another step. If your chosen goal is not practiced on a regular basis, your good intentions could be seen by others as hypocritical. We communicate our beliefs in more than one way: the most basic being words and behaviors. If these do not match others will not believe us. Whatever we say, we prove by our behavior.
One opportunity that has potential for calm and consistent value statement is meal time. A regular sit down family dinner was the norm in an era when structure was not that big an issue. It was a time to practice conversation and gather an impression of what was going on in the lives of individual family members. This was a gathering that promoted team spirit and loyalty. Social skills were learned. Observance of dinner has been in decline with the increase of two pay-check households. A lot of children have never experienced this event and are even surprised by the thought of eating without the electronic family member, television.
I was recently talking with Beverly Richard, of Laquey, MO, who says she and her husband set family rules which were reflections of their beliefs and family values. These rules were regularly observed during the course of their marriage, even through the complaints of teenagers. Time Magazine stated not too long ago, "In this age of affluence, the trend is the increasing difficulty of parents to say "NO" to their children." There is so much available and most parents want their children to have the best. Some children are aware of little to no limits, which can make being their best secondary.
Beverly was touched with the impression of their family practice when her son's elementary school teacher asked the class to identify and share one family tradition. Her son stated, "We have the evening meal together and no one eats until everyone is there." He had by-passed the more exciting events, such as Christmas and family vacations for the seemingly mundane. Now that he is grown, remembering such a statement can make conscious parenting worthwhile. Parenting that includes routine structure models a stable family plan and responsible commitment. We all have to eat, why not make time for an opportunity.
www.proadvice.net
Specializing in LIFE STORIES & LESSONS
Share What Works: counselorsam@proadvice.net
Make an appointment for What's Not Working: 573-774-5747
